Lyle and Erik Menendez opened up about the brutal murders of their parents during long-awaited parole hearings last week, revealing their perspectives on the infamous crime that’s captivated the nation for decades.

The case began on Aug. 20, 1989, when 21-year-old Lyle Menendez and 18-year-old Erik Menendez fatally shot their parents, Jose and Kitty Menendez, in the den of the family’s Beverly Hills, California, home. The brothers said they committed the murders in self-defense after years of sexual abuse by their father.

Last week, Erik and Lyle Menendez appeared at their first parole hearings, where both were denied release. In separate hearings before different boards, commissioners said Erik and Lyle Menendez broke rules in prison, despite acknowledging both of them worked to rehabilitate themselves and help other inmates.

As the brothers’ bid for freedom hits another roadblock, here’s a look at what they told the parole boards about the murders:

Erik Menendez

At Erik Menendez’s parole hearing on Thursday, he told the commissioners about a pivotal conversation he had with his brother five days before the murders. That day, he said he confided in Lyle Menendez that their father was sexually abusing him — the first time the siblings had ever discussed the abuse.

Erik Menendez said they talked about buying guns because they felt their situation had “become very dangerous” since he’d opened up to Lyle about the alleged abuse.

“My purpose in getting the guns was to protect myself in case my father or my mother came at me to kill me, or my father came in the room to rape me,” he said.

Commissioner Robert Barton asked Erik Menendez why he didn’t leave or go to the authorities. Erik Menendez responded, “My absolute belief that I could not get away. Maybe it sounds completely irrational and unreasonable today.”

Erik Menendez also walked the parole board through his movements in the moments before the shootings.

“Lyle came to the top of the stairs after my dad ordered me to [my] room and said he was coming up,” he said, adding, “My focus was, ‘Dad’s coming to my room. I can’t let him come to my room.'”

Erik Menendez said Lyle told him, “It’s happening now.”

“I ran to my room to get the gun,” Erik Menendez said. “All I knew was I had to get to that den. Fear was driving me to that den. … Dad was going to come to my room and rape me that night. That was going to happen.”

Erik Menendez said he got his shotgun, went to the car and loaded it.

“I didn’t even wait for Lyle. I knew I had to get to that den,” he said.

“You would have to live my experience to understand … if my dad exited that den, I was dead,” he said.

Barton said the murder of his mother “especially showed a lack of empathy and reason.”

Erik Menendez said he shot her because she had “betrayed him.”

“I saw my mother and my father as one person after I learned that she knew [about the alleged sexual abuse], so when I was running into the den, I was in a state of terror, of panic, of rage,” he said.

“Had she not been in the room, maybe it would have been different,” he said.

Lyle Menendez

Lyle Menendez told the parole board on Friday that he didn’t buy the shotguns with the intent to kill his parents, but for “emotional protection.”

“I thought it was de-escalating … it gave me some measure of safety,” Lyle Menendez said.

“Long guns are not very useful for protection, but it was better than nothing,” he added.

As for the murders, he said, “There was zero planning. There was no way to know it was going to happen” that day.

Reflecting on the moment he and his brother burst into the den with shotguns, he said, “Really the only thought in my head was — it was happening now, I needed to get to the door first. Fear overwhelmed reason.”

“I don’t have a great explanation for why I felt such terror in those moments,” he said.

Parole commissioner Julie Garland asked Lyle Menendez how he felt after the murders.

“Um … I dropped my gun and walked out,” he responded. “I think shock. Numb at that point. Still panicked for a while.”

Garland asked if he had any feelings of relief, happiness or satisfaction. Lyle Menendez said no, adding, “I had feelings of regret, shock.”

Garland asked if one death gave him more sorrow than the other. He responded, “My mother. ‘Cause I loved her and couldn’t imagine harming her in any way. And I think, also, I learned a lot after about her life, her childhood, reflecting on how much fear maybe she felt.”

After the murders, six months went by before the brothers were arrested.

Lyle Menendez said during those months he felt shame in “having to lie to relatives who were grieving.”

“I felt the need to suffer. That it was no relief,” he continued. “… I sort of started to feel like I had not rescued my brother. I destroyed his life. I’d rescued nobody.”

The brothers can apply for parole again in three years. With good behavior in prison, that wait can potentially be shortened to 18 months.